Welcome to “7eventh” season of Obscure For a Penny Zero! The twitter
If you’re new to our twitter contest, here’s everything you need to know to get on the road to everlasting glory and literally the most sought-after trophy in all of the 12 kingdoms.
Our contest plays out under conventional bracket-style rules. Think Bloodsport, starring Jean Claude Van Damme. Or Kickboxer, starring Jean Claude Van Damme. Or NCAA Basketball, which is sometimes viewed by Jean Claude Van Damme.
Contestants are initially seeded based on follower count, to do battle over the course of several rounds, each with its own unique topic or theme. All tweet matchups are judged anonymously based on the text of the tweets alone, by a diverse panel of judges including accomplished writers, artists and humorists from primarily outside of the Twitterverse.
WHAT IT MEANS
Anonymous judging and the diversity of our judging panel help ensure that your tweet will rise (or fall) on its merits alone. You won’t get any special consideration for your follower count, Favstar trophies, which Twitter clique you claim, or the percentage of your avi that consists of cleavage. Your reputation and past glories don’t matter. The judges choose between two tweets based on their ability to put a truly unique and funny spin on the topic at hand. The winner moves on to the next round, and so on and so forth, until one champion remains standing.
THE RULES
All contestants will be given the round’s theme and have 24 hours or sometimes more to respond with a new, original tweet.
Once you have posted your tweet, submit it to @theobscuregents account and @obscuregent will then send you and your opponent’s tweets text-only to a panel of 9 judges.
Once you submit, your opponent will be notified. Once they submit, you are both locked in and judging commences.
Winners will be announced as they are decided.
All contest updates will be sent to the individual contestants by DM and posted on the TheObscureGentlemen.com
FINAL BATTLE RULE:
To make things interesting, the championship match is a best of three battle: one new themed tweet on the given topic, one new freestyle tweet on a topic of your own choosing, and one old tweet of your choosing from your own timeline.
SWEETENING THE POT
In addition to bragging rights, the winner of Obscure For A Penny Zero 7 receives the following:
-$40 Gift Card to KFC, the staple diet of our The Obscure Gentlemen food reviewer Adult Male
-2 movie tickets (per Plain Zero podcast rules, make sure the movie is at least 10 years old)
-Your winning tweet turned into an Obscure Gentlemen comic
-Obscure Gentlemen hoodie
-Obscure Gentlemen t-shirt
-Obscure Gentlemen baseball cap
-Obscure Gentlemen AVI
-You select topics for the 12 For A Penny, Plain Zero, and Obscure Gentlemen podcasts
-You choose one food item for the Adult Male to review on YouTube
Second Place
-Your runner-up tweet turned into an Obscure Gentlemen comic
-Obscure Gentlemen Hoodie
TIMING
The first topic will be announced on January 29th and your first round tweet will be due on February 5th by 1:38PM. That’s right, you get one full week this time. No excuses.
FAQs
Q: What if I buy votes for myself or my opponent to make them look bad?
A: This vote CANNOT be manipulated with money or bots. Votes can’t be bought because you don’t know the judges. Also, manipulating online contests is just plain sad.
Q: My tweet exploded and went viral and yet I lost. Maybe your judges suck?
A: Hey pal! You can go fuck yourself, buddy! Be happy that we helped you go viral by providing the prompt in the first place.
Q: Hello, I’m still a bee-themed account and I still think I’m an actual bee. How did my superior bee-themed tweet lose, even though I borrowed the premise from two other tweets by bigger Twitter accounts?
A: That’s a great question and another reason to go fuck yourself!
Q: Will I have a better chance of winning if I already own an OG shirt, Hoodie, AVI, eye patch, or tattoo?
A: No! The judges don’t care if you’re wearing Hypercolor David Lee Roth shirts with cross-color Beyond Baggy jeans. They won’t know and don’t care how well you know Jim or Aaron.
Q: Do RTs or Favs matter?
A: Again, the judges don’t see them, so no they don’t. You could have been retweeted by Mark Hoppus and all of Blues Traveler and it still won’t matter. (Joke used last contest, but is still relevant.)
Q: Can I tweet as many times as I want before choosing one to submit?
A: Everyone has different tactics and strategies. Tweet as many or as few responses to the prompt as you want. You only submit one. Just make sure you’re happy with it. Send one tweet and one tweet only to @theobscuregents via DM. You can, however, change your submission as long as your opponent hasn’t locked in the battle with their submission.
Q: I’m like the greatest tweeter and all of my friends in my DM rooms say so, how did I lose to a shit tweet and how did my ego get so big from writing jokes for free on the Internet?
A: Fam. Can I call you fam? Sometimes both tweets are subpar and ones just moves on by necessity. Or maybe one only works as an inside joke for Twitter. Just remember, your friends will lie to you and say your tweet is better than your opponent’s even if it isn’t. That’s what friends do. Statistically speaking, it’s extremely likely that you will lose. But there’s always next time.
Q: Can I find out what the score was, how many judges voted for me vs my opponent?
A: Yes, ask @theobscuregents account and we will tell you. Please don’t cry or vomit when you find out how lopsided the vote was against you.
Q: I’m going to ask @obscuregent for advice in choosing the tweet I submit. That’ll give me an edge, right?
A: NOPE! He will NOT give you advice and frankly he HATES giving advice. He will be nice and say “Oh wow” and “That’s crazy” but he really does not like helping people decide on the tweet that they are submitting. Nor, frankly, does he have a very good track record of predicting what the judges will favor. So stay away from him!
Q: How do I get into the next contest?
A: DM @theObscuregents and ask them and you’ll be added to the list.
