In case you didn’t know, last week we seem to have offended three or four Aquaman fans. They screamed from their bathtubs: “YOU ARE HACKS!,” AQUAMAN RULES,” and YOU GUYS ARE NO BETTER THAN FAMILY GUY.” Well, to be a hack would be to make a joke about his inadequate powers when compared to the rest of the JLA. Also, to compare us to a cartoon that has millions of viewers on a weekly basis and created many spin offs and is funnier than a lot of stuff that is considered comedy, I say “thank you.” The comic was not really a slam against Aquaman, but more a slam against the braggy high-school-like drunkard that dwells in your office. I happened to enjoy Aquaman during Grant Morrison’s run of the JLA.

Now with that being said, Aquaman is a boring character overall that hasn’t really done much. Everybody makes fun of Aquaman because he is a nothing when fighting along side a Superman, Batman, Green lantern and Wonder Woman. I think there is a reason that he has had so many titles debut and then get canceled: his fan base is minimal! He is a novelty and fills the need for some sort of underwater type that is called upon every few years.

I’m a huge fan of many DC and Marvel characters and yet, if someone were to make fun of those characters I would either laugh at it or not care. These are fictional characters, people, and when you hold them so sacred to your heart, you just become an unlikeable zombie. So, in the words of my co-writer/brother Nick, I would like to say: You fan boys that can’t take a joke can go fuck yourselves. Fanboys that can take a joke need not fuck themselves.

James “Bite me fanboy” Alvarez