http://vintagegoodness.com/ Shhhhhhhhh, mijo. The baby’s sleeping. Why don’t you sing them a little nursery rhyme. And no, Slick Rick’s “It’s a Boy” doesn’t count. We’re talking about the classics. Mother Goose. Humpty Dumpty. Rock-a-Bye Baby. Not to be confused with the weird Shawn Mullins hit song “Lullaby.” The first and last song to rhyme “there” with “Dennis Hopper, Bob Seeger, and Sonny and Cher.”
Anyway. Rewrite the lyrics to your favorite nursery rhyme, comment on the subject of nursery rhymes, etc. Do what thou wilt.
Theme: Nursery Rhymes
Note: If you don’t think your tweet is about or a nursery Rhyme then it probably isn’t. Do not bother the astonishing person known as @Obscuregent with such questions.
This contest is about the kids. And if there’s one thing kids love, it’s the smell of menudo wafting out from abuelita’s cocina or “kitchen.” And if there’s two things kids love, it’s menudo smell and cartoons. To be clear: the theme for this round is cartoons, not menudo.
Por ejemplo, you can tweet about an observation about a particular cartoon from your childhood, or the differences between cartoons of bygone eras and today, or tweet in the voice of an iconic character, or create a premise for an entirely new children’s animated show.
Your tweet just has to be nuevo, originale, and divertido. That’s “funny” en español.
Theme: Cartoons
Restrictions: Children’s animated shows only. No “adult” cartoons like Bob’s Burgers, Simpsons (the good years) or cartoons for sexually dysfunctional sociopaths like Rick y Morty.
Obscure For A Penny Zero 11: OFAPZ is for the Children
¡Oralé!
In the Year of our Lord Nineteen Hundred and Ninety-Eight, a
mythical figure known only as Old Dirty stormed onto the stage of the Grammy
Awards to declare before gods and men that “Wu Tang is for the children!” More
than two decades later, OFAPZ is taking that mantle away. Doing good. Giving to
charity. Crafting humorous and original tweets. Shimmy shimmy yaw and so on and
so forth.
Okay, andalé guey:
64 generous contestants contributing to CHOC Children’s
~ One winner who will receive the title of OFAPZ Champion, a
personalized Obscure Gentlemen t-shirt and a custom drawn tweet-to-comic.
Our contest plays out under conventional bracket-style
rules. This is like 80s movies where you see a bracket on the screen and people
get eliminated and everyone in their 20s looks like they’re 40 because of
smoking and Ozone.
Contestants are initially seeded based on follower count,
doing battle over the course of several rounds, each with its own unique topic
or theme. All tweet matchups are judged anonymously based on the text of the
tweets alone, by a diverse panel of judges including accomplished writers,
artists and humorists from primarily outside of the Twitterverse. The judges do
not see race, gender, or what type of Shrek/Sonic the Hedgehog fetish you may
suffer from.
Anonymous judging and the diversity of our judging panel
help ensure that your tweet will rise (or fall) on its merits alone. You won’t
get any special consideration for your follower count, Favstar trophies (what’s
a Favstar, am I right?), which Twitter clique you claim (Westside Twitter
Clique), or the percentage of your avi that consists of cleavage (Wine Mothers
and Sex Dads need not apply). Your reputation and past glories don’t matter.
The judges choose between two tweets based on their ability to put a truly
unique and funny spin on the topic at hand. The winner moves on to the next
round, and so on and so forth, until one champion remains standing.
All contestants will be given the round’s theme and have a
week (Round 1 and 2 or 24 hours or sometimes more to respond with a new,
original tweet.
Once you have posted your tweet, submit it to
@theobscuregents account and @obscuregent will then send you and your
opponent’s tweets text-only to a panel of 11 judges.
Once you submit, your opponent will be notified. Once they
submit, you are both locked in and judging commences.
Winners will be announced as they are decided.
FAPs (Frequently Asked Palabras)
Q: Wait, I registered for OFAPZ 11 but I’m not in it. Wha
happen?
A: We switched it up and went to a donation entry fee model
on this one. IT WAS FOR THE KIDS. So sorry if you missed out. There’s always
next time.
Q: I had to donate? What a rip off.
A: Seriously? Kids with cancer, pendejo!
Q: Can I use an alt account?
A: You’re an adult. Stop hiding behind weird-ass aliases.
Use your main weird-ass alias. Plus, IF you win, only your alt gets the title.
Q: Hello, I steal tweets and impersonate women and I’m proud
of both facts. Why am I banned from your contest while my critics are allowed
to compete?
A: You can go fuck yourself 10 times, pince gringo! You’re
lucky this is a blog entry and not real-life chingasos heading in your
direction
Q: How many tweets can I tweet before submitting one?
A: Everyone has different tactics and strategies. Tweet as
many or as few responses to the prompt as you want. You only submit one. Just
make sure you’re happy with it. Send one tweet and one tweet only to
@theobscuregents via DM. You can, however, change your submission as long as
your opponent hasn’t locked in the battle with their submission.
Q: Can I use old tweets or do they have to be new?
A: Oh wow. You want to try submitting an old tweet for a new
tweet contest? That’s crazy.
Q: Is this contest fixed?
A: Real talk, vatos locos: This is the fairest contest on
the Internet. Entirely anonymous, entirely judged by people outside of your
Twitter circle, entirely based on how clever and original and funny and
on-topic the judges find your tweet to be. Also, it’s a lot of work to do this
thing. Mucho trabajo. It would be so much easier for us to put in the fix.
Q: My friends say my tweet was better and I go viral only
because I’m funny and I don’t use bots. How did I lose to a horrible tweet?
A: This is why you’re here. To submit your content to an
unbiased panel who don’t know you or your friends. Your friends will tell you
that you’re amazing because they are sus amigos! Take the loss with grace and
humility.
Q: Can you give me any details about the vote tally and the
judges’ discussion?
A: Only if you send me a video of you singing ten 311 songs.
Is amber the color of your energy?
Q: What if my opponent doesn’t submit?
A: In round 1, we have a list of potential contestants on
stand-by. One of them will take your absentee opponent’s place. In every
subsequent round, your opponent will forfeit and you will advance by default.
Q: I’m an edgy humorist who tweets over-used clichés
involving sex. Will I win? Of course I will, right?
A: We’re looking to reward the original, fresh and funny.
That could mean something sexy, but don’t confuse shock value for
craftsmanship.
Q: I go viral every other week. I’m going to win, right?
A: Tweet-decking, bots, and networking skills have no power
here and neither does tu madre.
Q: Can I protest the result to @ObscureGent?
A: Sure you can. He will probably say “Oh wow, crazy.”
Q: I’m a big fan of the Obscure Gentlemen. Do I have an edge
for knowing them?
A: No! The judges have no idea who you are and hate kind of
pandering references in tweets.
Q: I’m going to ask @obscuregent for advice in choosing the
tweet I submit. That’ll give me an edge, right?
A: No. Do NOT ask him for advice. He hates giving it and his track record isn’t anything to write home about.
Theme spoilers be here. Proceed with caution.
It’s for the kids so all themes are kids related things. I’m talking cartoons, video games, board games, nursery rhymes, and more. Official actual theme will drop 9/2.
