First off, it should be said that “Transformers: Dark of the Moon” isn’t the movie of the summer. It’s not the movie of the year. It’s the movie of the lifetime. Anyone’s.

Ok, it goes without saying that prior to this movie, we already knew that Shia LaBeouf is pretty much the best actor of our generation, but in this movie he steps it up.  His portrayal of Sam Witwicky is brought to a whole new level. He is hilarious in almost all scenes and he brings his badass to new levels by actually having a gun in this movie.  Rosie Huntington-Whitely is a nice addition in the role of the hot girl that someone as awesome as Sam would obviously be able to land.  Her lips fill the void left by Megan Fox’s breasts.  Playing the role of the human villain is the dude from “Can’t Buy Me Love”, Patrick Dempsey and he’s totally operating on a level of acting that hasn’t been seen by him since “Loverboy”.  He’s awesomely menacing as Sam’s nemesis, all I can say about that is “McDreamy, more like McAsshole.  The rest of the cast is rounded out by the return of Tyrese and Josh Duhamel who both finally kind of do something. We also get a way too small of an appearance from the comedy legend that is the Asian dude from the Hangover movies.

As far as the plot goes, we got the Autobots still playing the role of Earth’s protectors and doing it by not caring how much property damage they accumulate.  But then we discover a conspiracy behind the original moon landing that connects to the Transformers that totally, fucking makes sense.  Meanwhile, Sam’s busy trying to get a job because the government won’t give him a break despite the fact that he’s saved the planet twice by being awesome enough to keep up with giant robots.  It may seem a bit complex having to follow these two compelling plot lines, but luckily, in the end, Sam’s job hunt and the moon landing conspiracy intertwine and when it does, oh my fucking gravy does the awesome get brought.  We are treated with amazing special effects.  I’m pretty sure that Michael Bay (who’s directing is at its fucking zenith in this movie) made real robots that can actually change into vehicles that performed their own stunts.  And by the third act we’re completely spared of boring story telling for pure action.

Overall, I would say that this is the best fucking movie ever made. The first, second, and third acts are the best first, second, and third acts in any movie.

Final Rating: C

Travis “Yes, I Actually Saw This In Theaters” Kennedy