Obscure For A Penny Zero: Plan 9
The Supreme Court. The Brady Bunch. The Fellowship of the Ring. What do they all have in common? The fateful number 9. One half of the numerical combination 69. Niiiiiice.
For the 9th incarnation of the world’s most beloved, universally respected and objectively fair Twitter contest, we’re turning up the spooky. Every round will feature a Halloween-appropriate theme.
And now, everything you need to know.
Mokokchūng What You’ll Win (If You Win)
Champion
1 Obscure Gentlemen Hoodie
1 Obscure Gentlemen Shirt
1 Obscure Gentlemen Hat
3 Tweets-to-Comic (either all 3 for you or 2 for a friend)
1 Original Twitter Avi
Second Prize
1 Tweet-to-Comic
1 Original Twitter Avi
Third Prize
You’re fired.
Wha Happen
Our contest plays out under conventional bracket-style rules. This is like 80s movies where you see a bracket on the screen and people get eliminated and guys have mullets and badass Oakley wraparounds.
Contestants are initially seeded based on follower count, to do battle over the course of several rounds, each with its own unique topic or theme. All tweet matchups are judged anonymously based on the text of the tweets alone, by a diverse panel of judges including accomplished writers, artists and humorists from primarily outside of the Twitterverse. The judges do not see race, gender, or what type of Shrek/Sonic the Hedgehog fetish that you may have.
WHAT IT MEANS
Anonymous judging and the diversity of our judging panel help ensure that your tweet will rise (or fall) on its merits alone. You won’t get any special consideration for your follower count, Favstar trophies (RIP), which Twitter clique you claim, or the percentage of your avi that consists of cleavage. Your reputation and past glories don’t matter. The judges choose between two tweets based on their ability to put a truly unique and funny spin on the topic at hand. The winner moves on to the next round, and so on and so forth, until one champion remains standing.
How Do It Happen
All contestants will be given the round’s theme and have a week (Round 1 and 2 or 24 hours or sometimes more to respond with a new, original tweet.
Once you have posted your tweet, submit it to @theobscuregents account and @obscuregent will then send you and your opponent’s tweets text-only to a panel of 9 judges.
Once you submit, your opponent will be notified. Once they submit, you are both locked in and judging commences.
Winners will be announced as they are decided.
Wait I Have Questions
Q: How many tweets can I tweet?
A: Everyone has different tactics and strategies. Tweet as many or as few responses to the prompt as you want. You only submit one. Just make sure you’re happy with it. Send one tweet and one tweet only to @theobscuregents via DM. You can, however, change your submission as long as your opponent hasn’t locked in the battle with their submission.
Q: Can I use old tweets or do they have to be new?
A: Of course they have to be new. Why is this a question? This isn’t some random tweet call.
Q: Is this contest fixed?
A: No, you’re a sore loser. We don’t care who wins. We just want to laugh at quality content. When you submit a very generic joke that the judges have seen over and over again, they will most likely vote for the other tweet.
Q: My friends say my tweet was better. How did I lose to a horrible tweet?
A: This is why you’re here. To submit your content to an unbiased panel who don’t know you or your friends. Your friends will tell you that you’re amazing because THEY ARE YOUR FRIENDS. Take the loss with grace and humility.
Q: Can you give me any details about the vote tally and the judges’ discussion?
A: In the end, are we all not dust in the wind?
Q: What if my opponent doesn’t submit?
A: In round 1, we have a list of potential contestants on stand-by. One of them will take your absentee opponent’s place. In every subsequent round, your opponent will forfeit and you will advance by default.
Q: I’m an edgy humorist who tweets over-used clichés involving sex. Will I win? Of course I will, right?
A: We’re looking to reward the original, fresh and funny. That could mean something sexy, but don’t confuse shock value for craftsmanship.
Q: I go viral every other week. I’m going to win, right?
A: Tweet-decking has no power here and neither does yo momma.
Q: Can I protest the result to @ObscureGent?
A: Sure you can. He will probably say “Oh wow, crazy.” What he really means is: It’s just a fucking contest, move on.
Q: I’m a big fan of the Obscure Gentlemen. Do I have an edge for knowing them?
A: No! The judges have no idea who you are and hate kind of pandering references in tweets.
Q: I’m going to ask @obscuregent for advice in choosing the tweet I submit. That’ll give me an edge, right?
A: No. Do NOT ask him for advice. He hates giving it and his track record isn’t anything to write home about.
