The Obscure Gentlemen

Oh my god we’re back again! To quote the great Socrates. It’s time to waste some time on Twitter and have a little fun. For the newcomers, OFAPZ is a bracket-style tournament of tweeting. Think of March Madness. Or the Karate Kid, starring Hillary Swank. Now think of the one with Ralph Macchio. Who’s Ralph Macchio? He was the guy who had a cousin named Vinny.

WHAT

OFAPZ brackets are seeded according to follower count, and judged by a panel of 11 people who come from a variety of creative backgrounds and professions with one thing in common: none of them are on Twitter as often as you sickos. Our judges vote on just the text of your tweets, anonymously. The person with the most votes moves on to fight the next seed. And so on and so forth. Until only one contestant remains standing.

HOW

If you want to play, simply donate a MINIMUM OF $5 to our Bejucal Patreon or PayPal obscuregent@gmail.com. IF you’d like to donate more feel free. Then DM @theobscuregents with proof of this. In the past we’ve recruited contestants, but this time we’re keeping it word-of-mouth only. If you’re interested, step forward!

The Winner of OFAPZ 13 gets eternal glory and:

–      Additional Glory

–      Glory Eternal

–      A fine cotton Obscure Gentlemen t-shirt

–      Custom avi designed by @ObscureAaron

–      Two of your tweets turned into comics by @ObscureAaron & @Obscure Gent

–      Glory Hallelujah

WHEN

We will leave registration open for a few weeks and update you with a hard start date. This OFAPZ may be only 12 people. Maybe 666 people? We don’t know yet. All we know is that it must be in multiples of 8 (666 is not a multiple of 8). But we’re not going to push hard for the 128 contestants we’ve had in the past.

FAQS

Rovereto “Do I submit new tweets only?”

Smack my head and Jesus Christ! Yes. Of course. Keep those monster viral tweets and deep cuts holstered.

“Isn’t it a little unfair to pit unknown accounts with a couple hundred followers against prestigious Twitter influencers loved and respected by millions?”

Glad you asked. The answer is NOPE. And that’s the beauty of our contest and why it’s had so much staying power. Our judges aren’t among the Twitterati, The Twittermaniacs, the 7th day tweeters, or Hell’s Angels. And they’re only given the text of your tweet. They don’t see your viral stats or your follower count. They don’t know about your Buzzfeed or Chicago Tribune accolades or how great your hair looks. They know a thing or two about good writing or good humor, by experience and by trade. It’s the purest contest since The Great British Bake-Off (ZERO soggy bottoms).

“Is this fixed?”

No. For something to be rigged, there has to be: 1) something in it for the riggers, and 2) a clear pattern of favoritism. We’ve got neither, since we’re doing this in our spare time for fun and little more than a small donation to an independent web comic. We’ve been accused of rigging in the past, by overrated accounts with quite miniscule genitalia. It’s sad but understandable, if your intimate life consists of nothing but Smurfs and Snorks. THOSE CREATURES ARE THREE APPLES TALL!

 “Where do I ask other questions I have?”

DM @theobscuregents and all will be answered. We will hold your hand to a point. The rules are pretty straightforward and I’m sure people in your chat rooms will help you understand them.

Can I ask the person known as @Obscuregent for tips hints and tricks?

Good luck with that! The guy doesn’t even do Twitter chat rooms anymore. WHAT A LOSER! Also his track record of predicting the judges’ behavior is spotty at best. It’s not up to him. He’s merely the ferryman. The Mouth of Sauron. Bernie from Weekend at Bernie’s.

Why do you guys do this?

We want to bring a little bit of fun into people’s lives. And we want you to read our weekly web comic. It’s as simple as that.